The Power of a moment

I’m in the middle of reading The Power of Moments by Chip Heath and Dan Heath. The premise of the book dives into what makes a moment memorable and how can we make more moments that matter.

The book goes on to say that people assess their overall experiences based on the peaks (the best), the pits (the worst, but can be turned into a peak), and the transitions (beginning and end). When a person thinks of an experience, these will be the moments they remember. 

How can we as kidmin leaders think through these areas in regards to our environments to make sure we're leaving a positive impression? Here are a few questions I’m mentally asking myself.

Transitions: Beginning
Is our environment clean, tidy, and pleasant smelling?
Is our check-in process easy, and are there people to assist with check-in?
Is there adequate signage in the halls?
Are the halls visually engaging to kids?
Are small group leaders in rooms ready to receive kids?
Are the small group rooms clean and organized?
Are the small group leaders engaging with kids upon their arrival?
Are the introductory activities engaging for kids?

Peaks:
Is the curriculum organized so that there is a “peak” activity in small group? (Not every activity can be home run, but is there one that will engage and excite the kids to help illustrate the lesson?)
What is the “peak” moment in large group? Is it worship? storytelling? intro or exit skit?
Is there a “peak” moment with each child? Did a child feel cared for and seen?

Pits: Can we turn a pit into a peak?
Child with separation anxiety: Were parents asked for advice on how to soothe child? Was adequate attention given to the child? Was there an attempt to redirect child with activities? Were parents notified if crying persisted? 

Child with disruptive behavior: Was there an attempt to redirect child with activities? Did small group leader try coaching the child? Is there a plan of action if this persists on a weekly basis?

Hurt child: Depending on the severity of the injury, was proper medical care given? Were parents called? Was an incident report provided to a parent?

Transitions: Ending
Was all artwork/crafts given to parents/child upon leaving?
Did small group leaders engage with parents at the door to give positive feedback about the child and also brief information on what he or she learned?
Did parents receive all take home resources along with instructions on how to use them?
Were postcards written by small group leaders to any new kids, kids who have out for more than two weeks, or a child with a birthday?

I highly recommend that if you work with kids or teens in any type of church environment, that you pick up a copy of The Power of Moments!

I hate colored Christmas lights.

Confession...I hate colored Christmas lights.

This past Christmas we bought a new artificial tree. We bought a fancy tree that allowed you to switch back and forth between white lights and colored lights. I put the tree up and set it to white lights.

It seemed as if every time I walked into the room, the lights were set on color. 

Every. Time.

My kids clearly love the brightly colored, dancing lights. I fought back and changed them when they weren't looking until this thought struck me.

Why do my preferences matter more than what my kids enjoy?

But, isn't this how we as adults sometimes look at the church? We're the adults, the decision-makers. We have the power to implement our preferences at church. 

Our vision statement at our church says, "We will sacrifice everything we can't keep to make a lasting impact on a generation we may not see."

Often when we hear and read the word "sacrifice" we relate the word to our finances or things we acquire. But, it's more than that. It's our time. It's our talent. It's our preferences.

I want to see the next generation connect to Jesus in a real, tangible way that makes life-long followers of them. They may not connect with Him the same way I connected with Him in my childhood. Life changes, environments change, technology changes. And the way we reach kids has to change.

Do colored Christmas lights change Christmas for me as an adult? No. But, right now they matter to my kids. They add brightness and fun to their Christmas. And, just like the color of lights shouldn't change the meaning of Christmas for me, the wall color of the church building or the crazy, loud event in the worship room shouldn't change the faith of an adult.

But, it could change a child.

How do you handle criticism?

Two of my kids default to anger with they get embarrassed. Usually, this occurs when someone criticizes them in some way. Embarrassment ensues, and the follow-up emotion is anger. 

Although this is certainly not the way I want my children to behave, I can understand why they feel that way. I know when I feel criticized I can feel shame or embarrassment at the fact that I got it wrong. Then, before I know it I'm angry because I don't want to feel this way. I want to finger point at others and all the things they didn't do right to deflect from myself.

Not a very healthy way to cope, right? And, in a ministry environment, this can be toxic to a team. So, how do you combat this?

1. Listen (without interrupting). If I feel unhealthy emotions rising in me as I'm receiving criticism, I try to listen without a fast response. In attempting to listen without interrupting, I'm making the other person feel heard, and I'm giving myself enough time to process.

2. Process the criticism. Criticism received doesn't have to merit an immediate response. One of the most helpful things you can sometimes do is to say, "Thank you for telling me that. Give me some time to think about it, and then I'll get back with you." You've given yourself time to process the criticism and your emotions without the pressure of formulating a response in the heat of the moment. 

How do you handle criticism?

Plan Your Best Event!

Have you ever stepped back from an event your ministry has done and thought, "Why did we do this event?"

I know I have. 

Asking that question on the backend of an event is a little too late. There are times in our ministry where we can get stuck in a rut doing the same thing, the same way and not knowing why.

"But, we always do this event."
"People expect us to do this event."
"It's part of our history."

Not compelling reasons, are they?

The one vital question that needs asking when planning an event is, "How does this event fit with the strategy of our ministry, our family ministry, and our church?"

This one question weeds out a lot of the unnecessary when we ask it. Random events with no strategy in furthering the vision of the church won't cut it when you ask that question.

Intentional events are a win for your ministry and your church. When an event is intentional, it moves people in a direction. It moves people towards something. I want people to move in a direction that helps to carry out the vision of our church.

If you need help planning a better event, subscribe and download my free Plan Your Best Event worksheet!
 

The Scary "Budget" Word

I'm apart of many kidmin Facebook groups. One day as I was scrolling through my Facebook feed I noticed a question that was asked in one of those groups that stopped me in my tracks. Someone asked, "What is your budget for kid's ministry?" The answers that followed were tough to read.

"We get $100 a year for birth through 5th grade."
"Every week we send kids in to collect the  $1 bills the adults are holding out for them."
"We have a special offering at the end of the year and whatever we get from that is what we have for the following year."

Yikes.

Don't get me wrong. I get it. I understand being at a small church plant and there not being enough to go around. 

But, just as it is in our personal finances where if you show me your bank account, I can show you what you care about, it's the same principle for a church. Show me a church's budget, and I'll show you what matters to them.

If we want kids to matter, then we have to make a kid's ministry budget a priority. There needs to be intentionality in planning for a budget and starting somewhere. 

There isn't only a responsibility of the church when it comes to budgeting. We as ministry leaders also have a responsibility. 

As a kidmin leader, I have to know what I want to spend the money on for the year and why I want to spend it. When I ask for a specific amount budgeted for baby dedications, why do I need this amount? How does this contribute to our goal as a family ministry and then also the church? What's the "win" that happens when we invest it?

I keep a document with all the events and programming we do as a family ministry, and I have written down what the event/program is, why we want to do this particular event/program, and how it fits into our overall strategy as a ministry and church. I pull from it every year when I do my budget proposal. 

Wednesday on the blog, I'll help you think through planning your events and discovering your "why" behind your event.

Subscribe, and immediately receive my "Plan Your Best Event" worksheet!

How are you helping your church see that kid's ministry needs to matter in the budget?

Need a Stocking Stuffer Idea?

If you're looking for some gifts to add to the stockings, Orange has some great resources that you and your kids will get excited to receive! Here's a few of my favorites from preschool to students. 

Preschool
The Christmas Story, The Easter Story, and The Creation Story are beautifully illustrated and written in rhyme that helps to introduce a preschooler to some of the key stories/moments from the Bible. We have these books in our home and church, and love them!

If your child loves our Bible Story videos on Sunday morning, then they would to see an "Ollie" in their stocking! Ollie sets up our Bible Story every week, and the kids have come to recognize and look forward to seeing him!

Elementary
Love Is is a great devotional book for your elementary kid. If we want to kids to know what Christianity is all about, if we want them to follow God, and if we want them to live like Jesus, then love is a great place to start. 

If your kids love the music we sing in elementary large group, then they would love this CD! At the Top of My Lungs have many of their Sunday favorites on it. 

Students
Teenagers are tired of vague, superficial, or nonexistent answers to their tough questions about God, the Bible, and Christianity. Can I Ask That is a great book that helps answer hard questions about faith and God. 

In a disconnected and distracting world, how can our students connect with God and others? WIRED walks students through the many ways God is not only visible, tangible and audible but how He’s also interested in helping them navigate the life for which they are wired.

Where Bitterness Grows, Ministry Dies.

As I was scrolling through Instagram, there it was…another post from a church in the area snapshotting the resources they were giving away to parents. I could feel the bitterness attempting to rise in me as I mentally computed the cost of a resource like that one. 

“If only I had more money in my budget…”
“If only I had as many staff members in my area…”
“If only I had as many volunteers…”

Bitterness tells us lies about ourselves and our ministry. Where bitterness grows, ministry dies. The only way to combat bitterness is to counter it with positive offensive thoughts and actions.

Be you.
When we try to weigh our ministry against another, the main thing we lose is our own identity. Every church has a different context in which they are doing ministry. We have to minister within our own context. We need to look at the makeup of the church we’ve been placed in along with the wiring God has placed in us. Does your ministry reflect that, or does it look like an imitation of another ministry? It’s fine to take ideas we see and use them but do so with your own “flavor.”

Be glad.
The ministry comparison trap is a dangerous one. It can rob us of all of our joy. As with life and with anything else, we need to learn to be content with what God has given us to be in charge of at this time. This is a hard one for me. My personality lends itself to constantly want more - the bigger the better. And if that's not what my is reflecting then I tend to ask, "What is wrong with me?"

God made no mistakes when he set you apart in your ministry at this time - no mistake. Have confidence that God has confidence in you. Have faith that God can use any person and any vehicle (whether big or small) to accomplish his purpose of making himself known. "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much." Luke 16:10a

Be helpful.
Nothing fights bitterness more than giving yourself away. No matter the stage or size of church we are in, we all have a way to pour back into others. Network online with other ministry leaders to share ideas. Meet with a local leader to discuss ministry needs in your community. Go to conferences and take time after a breakout to get to know someone. Be for someone else what you wish you had for yourself on your journey.

How do you combat bitterness when you’re tempted to compare?

Year Long Strategy for Preschool Small Groups

*These are my notes from the breakout I led at Orange Conference 2017!

How many of us soon realized after being hired as a preschool or early childhood director or assistant that you really don’t spend your days leading kids, but you actually spend them leading the people who lead the kids.

This is why it’s so important that there is a system or structure in place in your small group environments so that everyone can be on the same page about the expectations of those.

Structure: How you arrange or manage various parts so they can support something important.

How do you structure/arrange/manage staff, volunteers, programs, budget calendar, or even those who attend each week so everything supports a relational model within your preschool small groups? These are the behind the scenes decisions that you make that help set up your small groups to win.

The quality of your relationships is linked to the quality of your structure. That’s why we need intentional systems in place to help preschoolers grow in their relationship with God and to connect to a small group leader and to the other kids in their small group.

Structure allows you to go from accommodating your small group leaders to engaging your small group leaders.

These are 3 habits that will help us structure our preschool small groups:

Habit #1 Organize to be Organic (how you staff)

Relationships need structure, (think like dating) but structure isn’t the goal. The goal is relational connection. 

When we organize to be organic, we create a structure within our preschool small groups that have enough organization so that small group leaders can cultivate an environment where a preschooler feels safe to explore their world and connect with their leader and other kids.

1. Someone has to own it

You have 2 sides to your ministry: programming and groups. Programming is what happens on the stage while other people watch, the platform, your large group environment. Groups is what happens around our rugs or tables as leaders and kids interact.

Do you have someone who owns the preschool small groups within your ministry? Who determines it? Who pours into it? 

In my context, I determine the structure of the small groups, but I also have the children’s assistant and the children’s leadership team helping to steer and guide the groups.

Value of preschool/children’s leadership team: Invite your most committed volunteers to help guide and steer the direction alongside you.

2. Age changes the rules

The younger the age, the more structure is needed. The older the age, the less structure is needed.

Do you have consistent small group leaders? Anytime you have multiple services, the goal should be a consistent leader for every week for a year. Smaller churches with one service, I recommend month on/month off. 

Transition is difficult! “Sometimes it takes pain to make progress.”  - Craig Groeshel

Are you organized? I mean personally. Do you rush around at the last minute? Do you seem like you’re a couple of steps behind. You can’t expect timeliness and organization from your small group leaders if you’re not modeling it yourself. Do you have acertain time curriculum is out every week? 

What’s your schedule in small groups? Our service is 1:10. First 20 minutes Make It Fun (Intro Activities), 15 minutes for Make It True (Large Group), 30 minutes Make it Stick (activities that dig deeper) and Make It Real (circle time) 5 minutes

How is your room structured? Do you have a place to have rug time? Do you have less toys in room to distract?

What are your ministry policies/procedures? Handbook? Do your volunteers know your bathroom policies, snack policy, etc?

Do your SGLs get a say in the structure? I set the tone/structure, but a SGL has the ability to change and adapt

What are the “rules” of small group? Do kids know their responsibility within groups? ex. hands to self, listening ears, walking feet, inside voices, be kind to others

3. Everyone needs a good seat

• Fewer is better
• Preschool average should be 5-7 kids per adult

ex. we cap a room at 14 kids average with 2 adults, then we split

How does this work for smaller churches? How can you combine with the ages so everyone has a good seat?  Unique ages/stages -  infants, crawlers, walkers, 2s, 3s-5s

- Make sure new kids and families are welcome!

 Greet well (check-in experience). Walk don’t point to room. Introduce family and kids to SGL (remember names!). A SGL needs to have excitement when making introducing. Have the SGL introduce the new child to other kids. At pickup, SGL gives resources and explains them. Have the SGL write a card to the new kid to send that week.

Habit #2 Think Steps, not Programs

When you think steps, not programs there is a fundamental difference in your perspective. Your primary goal is not to meet someone’s need, but rather to help someone get where they need to go.

So do to that you must first determine what you want the kids and families to know. Then, you have to figure out how you’re going to get them there.

When we do parent/child dedications, we ask parents to parent with the end in mind. We want them to think about who they hope their children have become when they leave their house at age 18. We encourage parents to have a plan to accomplish this.

The same goes for your ministry. You have to begin with the end in mind and develop the steps to get kids and families there.

The most important thing you could do for your program is to clarify the primary win in your ministry before you can evaluate if a specific program is successful.

Our win: We want to give our preschoolers a first look at the God who made them, the God who loves them and the Jesus who wants to be their friend forever; we partner with parents to help them win in their homes

Sometimes you have to stop doing something that works if you want something more important to work better. 

Programs should make it easy, not hard, to participate and move on to what’s next.

Programs should be promoted in a clear way so people can actually see how and why they are important.

Programs should be strategic in the way they support the primary goal or priority of the ministry. 

1. Platforms enhance small groups

If we want parents, kids, small group leaders, etc to believe that small groups are important, then it’s important to take a look at what we’re saying about small groups across all of our platforms church-wide.

• cast vision - is the same message happening from the top down? Ex. Our volunteers serve month on/month off - we recognize them in service as coming off their rotation. We do Resource Sunday the first Sunday of the month and in service we show and describe the parent resources that are coming out that day that kids will get in their small groups
• manage time - When running short on time, always cut from your large group time, never your small group time. Our large group time consists of 15 minutes out of 1:10 service. 

It's easy to miss the Make it Real portion of the curriculum, but it is one of the most important -  It champions the importance of circling up!

2. Events solidify small groups

Always stabilize your small groups as 1st priority - Do that well and then move on to the next thing. 

FOCUS - Follow one course until successful

no random events -always ask, “Why are we doing this event?”

ex. We chose not to do big Easter egg hunt event because so many other churches were doing one. We chose to do Family Movie Night the Friday night after Easter because we wanted a follow up for guests after Easter

ex. baby dedication (EMBRACE) - next step for a family who had a baby. Ask family to attend class where they hear about entire family ministry, and they can connect to their SGL and can be loved on by the church.

3. Volunteers reinforce small groups

Baby dedication event — small group leaders help and attend

New baby visit with a gift - babies small group leaders make the visit

Those not in small group roles (ex. front desk/service coordinators) parents are preferred - they know the ministry, they may just need want to be in a room with kids

4. Resources support small groups

• Reallocate: Where does your money go?

Just like with your own personal finances, where you money goes says what you             prioritize.

Preschool seems to get a small budget.

Small vision = Small budget

We value: curriculum/small group resources, volunteers/leadership, Embrace, parent         resources

We don’t spend much on our large group environment - We want to spend money on small         groups. 

• Evaluate: Ask yourself, “Is this event working? Does it help us accomplish our goal? Does it take too many resources and is less effective? Every event we do as a Children’s Leadership Team, we discuss and evaluate it. As a preschool director, you need tough skin. “Jesus broke the traditions that value traditions over people.”

Habit #3 Move to the Rhythm

No one will influence a kid more than a parent.

A parent is not the only influence a kid needs. 

More people in a kid’s life who are moving to the same rhythm, the greater the impact. Need parents, families and SGL to move together.

Life and culture seem to move to rhythm. We need to learn to move with them. 

Even Moses described a rhythm to life we need to have in our parenting in Deut. 6.

1. Cooperate with the patterns of a typical year

• calendar - Holidays/seasons. We try to cue the parent to give them the right info at the right time so they can do more than they would otherwise do.

We try to have small group leaders resource parents around important calendar events - Easter and Christmas send out a lot of resources (Happy Birthday Jesus kits, Advent calendar for families, devotional for week leading up to the Easter Story- The Easter Story gave out a printable for families if you bought the book)

Go Weekly has a ton of resources for parents - ex. Quarterly Hang Times

How do you leverage the calendar to strengthen the group?

• community - Spring Break and Fall Break: no small groups (family services and church in the park)
• ministry - Promotion Sunday; new churches - summer is when people check you out

2. Consider the life cycle of an average group

• beginning - How do you help new kids or kids moving up to a new small group acclimate to SG?Introduction is important, but so is follow up! Kids love to get a treat and a card in the mail. Give small group leaders access to email the parents 
• end - How do you pass off to the next SGL? Need to do the transition well from 5s to kindergarten. It takes a month for a preschool to transition and get used to something new. Start introducing your elementary environment a month in advance before the transition.

Do you explain to your parents how a small group changes with the age? For example, our walkers stay in their room and we have some activities along with a craft and then they watch the Bible Story video in their class. When they graduate to the 2s, they have more structure in the curriculum and schedule. They “travel” to large group.

Structure communicates to small group leaders, kids and parents that a preschool environment is not just childcare - it's a ministry with a plan and a purpose. 

I highly recommend reading Creating a Lead Small Culture! That's where much of this breakout orginated from.

#OC17 Breakout Notes: Talk Better Now by Jon cuff

1. Know your audience

Who are the people you are serving? What are they excited about now? What are their challenges? What are their ages? Is there anything I should not say?

You want empathy, not mimicry. Empathize not mimic who they are. 

Practice your anxiety until it's manageable. The only way to not be afraid of speaking is to speak. 

Take notes on who the audience really is.

2. Play to your strengths

Write it all out  - Write out a long speech, word dump

Write quickly so the fear doesn't catch up quickly. 

Don't go to the internet for info - it will break your writing streak. 

There is no bad idea.

Never edit before it hits the paper.

Look for your outline in your word dump.

Predict pushback. 

63% more successful if you cut your goals in half.

The average slide had 40 words. You need tweetable lines for slides

Be as funny as you are in a dinner conversation. Nothing kills a speech like dishonesty. 

People react to authenticity and vulnerability. 

Leaders have a hard time saying - I was wrong, I don't know and I'm sorry. 

Give your audience the gift of going second. 

Use humor to relieve tension. Go up and down to keep people engaged. 

Hire a designer if you can for your slides. 

Write the ending as hard as you write the beginning.

3. Read the room

Get feedback.

The best moments are the ones that happen for the first time for the speaker and the audience. 

Create an inside joke - that's called a callback.

4. practice, practice, practice 

Practice with a timer and take notes. 

Ask everyone involved how much time you have 

5. Enjoy it or they won't.

Book recommendation - Speak like Churchill, Stand like Lincoln 

Speak in satire not mockery. Mockery has a victim. Mockery makes you lose the ability to speak in love later.  

My Ministry Prayer List

One of my most vivid memories of my grandfather is him sitting in his chair in his living room holding a steno pad with pages and pages of names. When he couldn't sleep because of the pain of arthritis and Parkinson's, he would open his steno pad and pray over the names on his list. In his final years when his body wouldn't let him do anymore, he did continuously what he could do for others - pray. 

What came so naturally for my grandfather comes a bit harder for me. I'm a doer. I like crossing things off my to-do lists. I like a finished product, immediate results.

Prayer is sowing seeds today and knowing we may never be the ones to see the results of it. That's hard for me. Sometimes prayer doesn't feel like I'm doing enough for my ministry or others.

But, without inviting God in, how can I expect it to be successful? That makes me nothing more than a lone ranger out doing my own thing.

I have found through leading preschool, elementary and family teams, that I need to consistently be praying for these 4 groups of people.

1. Our volunteers. Am I in touch with their struggles and their personal life? Do I know what to pray for them? They are the front line warriors in the ministry. Am I praying for God to use them each and every time they come in contact with kids?

2. Our kids in our ministry. Am I praying these kids would encounter a great God who would change their lives forever? Am I praying for their families? 

3. The kids we hope to reach in our community. There are so many kids and families all around our community who wake up and go to bed with no thought to who God is. Am I praying that God would our church and people to reach those far from God?

4. Our staff and leadership. Churches don't reach people through one ministry alone. Am I praying for the other ministries in our church and that God would use them in great ways? Am I praying for our leadership teams that they would be great men and women of God that are constantly seeking His Will for our church?

What names are on your list that you are praying for in your ministry?

What I Learned from Embrace

One of the most underrated tools for reaching families today is the parent/child dedication event.    There is no better time to get a family bought into your ministry than when they dedicate their child. It’s your chance to cast a vision for what the partnership between family and church will look like as families travel with you from cradle to college. 

I highlighted how I did dedications at our previous church in these posts:
First Steps part 1
First Steps part 2
First Steps part 3
First Steps part 4

When developing our parent/child dedication event, Embrace, at our current church, I had a few takeaways I learned from the experience. 
 

1. Content is still king. We base our entire event off of Orange’s Baby D kit. It’s a great tool to use when thinking your parent/child dedication event. You can take their content and customize it to fit your ministry’s needs. Graphics are included for those churches who may not have access to a graphic designer.

We took their 3 principles of Imagine the End, It’s a Partnership and Make It Personal and revamped them to fit our language for our event. Here’s our wording for what we want to call a parent to during our event.

We want parents to...
embrace your child with the love of Christ, focusing not on what you want your child’s future to be, but WHO you want them to become.
embrace your church as another voice in you child’s life, partnering with you to echo the message you’re instilling in your kids at home.
embrace your calling as a parent as the primary influence of faith and character in your child’s life.

2. Be sensible. These events can be as expensive as you want them to be. And while there are some things that are non-negotiable for me, there are some things that don’t rise in importance. In previous events, I would have used fresh flowers everywhere from the family tables to the food tables. This time around we decided to use cotton and magnolia leaves - it created a wonderful woodland feel. And better than that, is the fact that it was cheap! We chose to do a light dinner at our event in which in the past I had catered. This time, some sweet ladies helped to provide the meal. It connected women to the event that might have otherwise not been there. Plus, it was cost-effective.

3. Use the talent of those you have.

I love for families to be able to have a keepsake when they leave the event. There is a sweet lady in our church who is such a talented painter. I approached her about doing a canvas for each child with their name on it and the date they were dedicated. They turned out gorgeous, and it was such blessing to see someone be able to use their talents in such a lasting way.

We also have several photographers who lent their expertise to the night. One manned our Photo Booth we had set up for the family, and one took pictures of the details and event. Our parents were thankful to be able to concentrate on being in the moment rather than documenting the moment. It was a great gift to be able to give them these photographs after the event. 

4. Splurge on the important things. 

Some details are important to me that I find are worth the investment. In our parenting class before the event, we gave all of our parents three books - Parenting Beyond Your Capacity, From This Day Forward (marriage), and Praying Circles Around Your Child. We also give our parents a jar of marbles customized with their child’s birth date with a marble for every week they have left with their child before they go to college. We want parents to take a marble out every week so they can be reminded to make the most of the time they have with their kids.

Storytelling is important to our church family. For this reason, we have someone document the event in video. After the event, we put together a recap video celebrating the night. We then show that video in our service so our entire church family can celebrate what took place that night.

How do you celebrate parent/child dedication?

The Mirror

With every word she said, my heart broke into another piece.

“I just feel so ugly when I look in the mirror.”

She listed every feature on her beautiful head that she wished was different.

Really, now? Eleven years old and already the enemy is whispering lies to my little girl, leaving her feeling less than other girls her age.

I listed all the ways she was so beautiful - that I loved her freckles sprinkled across her nose, the pouty lips, her blue eyes. But, all of those features would be nothing without her heart, and she has one of the kindest, most thoughtful hearts on any girl.

I told her about how she is created in the image of God, and I read her the verses that told her how fearfully and wonderfully made she is.

And then I paused thinking back to earlier that day as I was getting ready. I looked in the mirror that morning and disappointingly saw a face bearing lines, chubby cheeks, and weight left over after four babies that I can never seem to lose like all of my friends.

I just feel so ugly when I look in the mirror.

So, I told my little girl that - I told her what I see when I look in the mirror, and how it makes me feel, and she cried heartfelt tears because she loves me and she doesn’t see what I see.  

With our kids, sometimes telling them the truth doesn’t seem to work. There are times Bible verses don’t feel like they work. It’s hard to hear what God’s Word says about you when those toxic thoughts are screaming so loud inside your head. It doesn’t make His Word less true; it only means those feelings right now are so very real.

She needed a “me too” at that moment. She needed to know that those feeling she’s struggling with are not isolated to only her. 

We’ll talk more in the days to come about how to combat the enemy's lies, how we can’t stay stuck in those thoughts because he knows that if he can get us to remain there, then he can get us to start making wrong choices and lead us down a path we’ll regret. 

And, I am reminded that my girls are watching, listening, for the words I say when I look in the mirror. Do my girls have a momma who lives out what she tells them to believe about themselves?

I am fearfully and wonderfully made, made in the image of a good God. But, do I truly believe it?

Fight for the Heart

We are extremely lucky to be the beneficiaries of an awesome little boy’s (with incredible fashion sense) clothes he’s grown too big to wear. Every season, we get a box full of shoes, socks, shirt, hats and pants and we all stand around like it’s Christmas morning and pull those precious clothes out of the box. My three-year-old was ecstatic over all the different clothes and preceded to want to try on everything. 

When he woke up on Sunday morning, he had a very different opinion about what he would wear than I did. I had picked out a rockin’ button down along with a great pair of skinny jeans. Cody decided that he was going to wear the Grinch hoodie along with a pair of fox houseshoes.  

Cue the chaos. 

After much “fighting” this momma conquered and won, and we as a family (plus one upset little boy) hopped into the car and made our way to church. 

Then, fast forward to me standing in a room that morning teaching a parenting class that was titled, “Fight for the Heart” - knowing the difference between fighting with our children and fighting for our children. As I’m going through my spiel, it strikes as what a hypocrite I am.

God’s funny like that…we’re teaching something to others as He’s gently tapping us on the shoulder saying, “Hey, you need to hear and know this, too.”

I had a chance that morning to fight for the heart of my child, but instead, I chose to “win” the argument with him. Are there times our kids need to do what we say? Absolutely! But, are there times we as parents need to concede because, in the long run, it’s just not worth it?

For me, this was one of those times where I knew he wanted to wear these clothes because he was truly excited and very proud of them. What would it have cost me to let him wear that outfit? Judgment from other parents? Maybe. My reasons for not letting him wear his outfit were more about me and my good than it was for his good. 

I want to be a parent who champions my kids in who they are, who God created them to be. As a parent, I’ve got to look at the situations I come across with my kids and ask myself, “Is this the battle I really want to fight?” 

There’s another battle going on for his heart, and an enemy who will “fight” to win his heart, too. He’ll use methods that I as a parent should have been using all along. One day when he’s older he’ll tell my son how he’ll accept and love him just as he was made, and my son will have to weigh the enemy’s words with my words and see if they match. If he sees a mom who didn't let his personality shine through and instead forced a behavior and rules, he may come to the conclusion I’m not a safe place where he is loved and treasured, and just maybe this enemy knows his stuff.

Let’s pick our battles wisely and fight for the things that matter - our kid’s heart. What are some “battles” you need to stop fighting with your kids?

*For more information on fighting for your kid's heart, grab a copy of Parenting Beyond Your Capacity!

Loving the Unlovable

There’s always that one kid in every class. You know the one. 

The one kid that never listens,
The one kid who is always disrespectful.
The one kid who can’t sit still.
The one kid who loves to make an outburst.

These kids are tough ones to love, or if we’re honest, they're tough to like.

But, we all need a safe place to belong … even a kid who’s body language and attitude speak a different story.

These kids are walking through our doors with stories. Mostly good ones, but some have stories and backgrounds that would make your hair stand on end. It’s our job as leaders to make sure everyone has a place to belong.

And while, there are many “classroom techniques” that can be used to help control a disruptive child, none works best than love. We need small group leaders who are going to look past the behavior and into the promise this child holds. 

Isn’t that what Christ does for us? He looks past our sin and baggage and sees the beauty within us.

We are called to love the unlovable - that means the lego-throwing, paint spilling, yelling biter in our small group. Especially that one. 

Love them through our words. 
Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death.” Words matter, and words sting. I can still remember many of the hurtful things said to me by an adult “correcting” me. Choose to speak life into a child. You can correct without condemning.
 

Love them through our body language. 
Our words can say one thing, but our body language can betray us at that moment. Believe me, kids know. Saying gracious words with a scowl will leave a child unconvinced. Count to three, and put your whole heart it.

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18

Love them through their parents.
Be careful of the words you chose to say to a child’s parents. No child wants to sit by as their small group leader lists all their transgressions from the morning. Does that mean we say nothing? Absolutely not, but make sure your motives are pure. When we partner with parents, we are committing to looking at every child like he is made in the image of God and he is welcome in our small group and our church. Don’t create a barrier between the church and a family.

How do you love the unlovable in your small group?

Grace Hill Church

When we officially launched The Hill 4 months ago, I could never fully imagine all God would do in such a short amount of time. The road to the launch of The Hill was one marked with pain, joy, doubt, assurance, loss and gain.

When we “planned” what our infant church would be, God worked details our small dreams never saw coming…a merger, a building, dear people. He also opened doors, we never knocked on and asked us to walk through them. It’s through the process of starting The Hill that I saw my husband adapt his vision to meet God entirely with where His vision was to take us.

These last four months have been a time of healing and restoration. I have come to love the families God has given us. They've been so good to us, beyond what we deserve. 

Today we shared some incredible news about the next steps we feel confident that God is asking our church to take. Once again, God opened a door we didn’t know to knock on, and the result is a partnership merger with a local church. The Hill Memphis and Grace Crossing Church will together become Grace Hill Church. We believe we can accomplish infinitely more together than we can apart.

Because that’s what it should be about for any body of believers - reaching the lost, reaching the unfound. Local churches in your area are not the enemy or the competition. I am so thankful God has put in our paths churches who believe the capital “C” church is way more important than the little “c” church. 

June 26 we will celebrate together in our first service. We will honor the God “who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” 

He has been so good to us. May His hand and His blessing be with us in this next step.

#OC16 Various Speakers

Jon Acuff
On Sunday, grace is expected.
On Monday, grace is a surprise.

Jesus isn't just a Sunday Savior.
Jesus is an Everyday Emmanuel.

If you don't know someone's last name, don't share the gospel. The gospel is an intimate conversation.

Monday is coming and everyone is watching.

Jimmy Mellado
What is you existing culture?
What would we like it to be?

1. We want everyone to behave like they're here for a purpose. Like they have a mission. It's about people and results.
2. 100% for each other. Are you willing to risk your reputation on the performance of your teammates?
3. We're serious about growth - ours and yours. What are you learning?
4. We're careful with our words.
5. Let others in your life and plans.

How do you empower others? We live like Jesus  - we serve. 

Frank Bealer:
Lead Up
1. Be ready
Not a new
idea but a new approach

2. Be brief
Take 5 minutes. What and why and how it fits

3. Be smart
Know the questions and objections

4. Be passionate
Passion can be refreshing or overwhelming
Passion doesn't transfer as well as substance
Being smart without being passionate is boring. Being passionate without being smart is exhausting.

5. Be flexible
When you won't bend, most of your ideas break

Monday is Coming: You can Face it with Confidence: Perry Noble

Psalm 23

1. Understanding
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

If I will find my identity in my relationship with God, I'll survive the holy hangover of Monday.

Religion kills, relationships bring life.

If the Lord is your shepherd, your ministry has everything it needs right now.

If you can't be thankful for managing the $500 budget you'll never be entrusted with the $5 million budget

2. Environments
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters

We will not create great environments unless we experience great environments ourselves. 

Places here we get nourished

Psalm 46:10

3. Guidance
He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake.

When we get dehydrated spiritually, we will start using people instead of leading people.

When we get spiritually exhausted, we will stop doing what is right and start doing what is easy.

4. Awareness
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff, they comfort me.

When we begin to see the greatness of God, we'll become fearless in our decisions. 

5. Blessing
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You annoying my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Don't focus on the talkers. Focus on the table.

6. Confidence
Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

If goodness and love will follow us all the days of our life, why can't we believe the best is yet to come?

Monday is Coming: What do you Want Students to do About It?: Doug Fields

We can't just teach them what to believe on Sunday...we've got to challenge them to serve on Monday. 

We can't just teach them what to believe on Sunday...we've got to challenge them to serve on Monday.

We don't want them to graduate with beliefs. We want them to graduate as a minister. 

What if we changed the yardstick from sitting to serving?

We count people because we're too lazy to figure out how to measure effectiveness and health.

I can get easily distracted by my ministry ambitions instead of my ministry calling...which is fueled by insecurity.

What if we changed our language and painted a verbal picture of what kids could be?

What if in still of calling them graduates, we call them ministers?
What if instead of telling kids they are the future of the church, we tell them they are the church.
What if instead of saying see you next week and bring a friend, you help them to serve someone during the week.

What a kid does affects what a kid believes. - Reggie Joiner

You don't disciple kids from a stage. You disciple kids up close.

We can't just tell them what to believe in Sunday, we have to teach them how to serve on Monday.

What if we changed our emphasis from Eternal Life when you die...to Kingdom Life while you're alive?

Jesus didn't say lead Me. He said follow Me.

You are never more like Jesus than when you serve. 

Navigating the Uniqute Tensions of Women in Ministry: Nina Schmidgall

Overcoming Barriers:
Our own self doubt
The "glass ceiling"
Door to entry
Finding family balance

Tips for Balance:
Embrace seasons: ask, Am I thriving?
Don't compare
Offer yourself grace
Double Standards
Embrace the awkward

Tips for leading women on your team:
Ensure collaborative work environments
Offer flexibility
Offer equal opportunity (give titles to women equivalent to men the titles men have)
Manage personalities, not genders
Take more time
Call out their gifting
Embrace the ministry of emotion
Invite them to the table of leadership
Lend your confidence

Excelling as women in leadership:
Stay in your lane. Avoid the comparison lane
Don't be entitled
Lead with confidence
Represent. Be excellent
Be you
Manage emotions: thick skin and soft heart
Be patient
Serve without an agenda
Cheerlead others